0 miles

Gatlinburg
NOTE:
I’m not dead.
Apologies folks, but I thought I had posted an update a while ago. A few folk I bumped into back home mentioned that they followed the blog and that they were surprised to see me. Then it clicked that I had left this post in draft. Oops. Anyhoo, I took the opportunity to update it.
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I made the call at a karaoke bar in Gatlinburg at around 11pm. I was done…with karaoke bars, they really are the worst place to get a drink.
I struggled on the way back to the hotel, with my ankle and knee on my left leg competing with the Achilles on my right for ‘the who can cause Lee the most discomfort award’. My left shoulder then performed a miracle come from behind win when it started throwing deep stabbing pains at me. Not kidding, I literally stopped to check if I had been stabbed. After confirming there was no knife I resumed my stilted, awkward gait (think Edgar the bug guy from Men in Black). The fact that I was struggling like this on a flat, even, road and I was not carrying anything gave me pause. And given my discomfort I barely needed an excuse to pause. 
Physically, I needed a break.
Mentally, I was already done.

Me walking down the street in Gatlinburg

So I spoke to my wife. She did her very best to keep me on the trail, something she had been doing on and off the past few weeks, but I think she could tell by my voice that I was proper “I totally mean it this time!” done. After coaxing it out of her, it was also clear that the kids (especially Ellie, my youngest) were struggling a bit with me gone. So that was it settled. I was going home.
And once it was decided the knot in my stomach, that had settled in nice and snug around week two on the trail, released and I felt a surge of relief.
When I watched Happiness, Rooster and Mini hit the trail the next day I expected to feel a little remorse, but I didn’t. I felt good. I felt right.
It’s crazy how much of an impact homesickness can have on you. I know that if it wasn’t for that, I would have taken a zero and been back on the trail the next day, hobbling up the mountains one painful step at a time. Homesickness is merciless and it can’t be beat. Sure it can be mitigated somewhat with phone calls, emails, video chats etc. but most of the time you are simply delaying the inevitable. For some folks they can see it through until the end of the trail. Others last barely a day, a week. I think I was fighting a losing battle from the start though, just with the fact that my kids are still so young.
I am not done with the trail though. It’s in my bones now (which is maybe why they all hurt?) and I need to finish it. I’m already making plans to come back next year, when it’s warmer, and knock of another couple of hundred miles. Maybe the year after that as well. I will get to Katahdin, and who knows, maybe my girls will come along with me for a few sections.
I think that would be pretty sweet.

Catching up with K2 and Jodie in Gatlinburg